Break Time

He blinked, looking to Kankuro, then back to Naruto. "No, why should my pants feel tight? This makes absolutely no sense."

"Arg.." Naruto slapped his head with his hand but decided he wasn't getting anywhere with this. "Alright Gaara, you've wasted my chakra all for nothing.." He said, almost disappointedly, but then zealousness came back to his face and he pointed at Gaara. "And you know what? I now name you: Gaara of the Sexless! You will never get horny, my friend, therefore you won't be able to have sex, believe it!"

"Should I even understand what that is?" He stared at Naruto, his head tilting slightly. "How can I do something that I don't understand? And besides, you're the one who decided to use your chakra."

Naruto crossed his arms and gave Gaara a Chinese look. "Ask Neko-Enji to teach you some sexual-education, alright?" He glanced over to Kankuro. "Obviously he knows what I'm talking about."

He frowned, staring at Naruto. "But.. but.. why him? Does it have to be him? Can't you just explain it to me? Demonstrate it? Write something out? This is confusing.. especially since Shukaku finds it so funny.."

Naruto grimanced, he wasn't pleased with the idea of 'demonstrating' anything. But then an idea popped into his head. An idea that had 'new mission' written all over it. He would teach Gaara about sex, and he'd teach it well!

"Alright! I'll take your challenge! Gaara, school begins NOW!" He made a hand sign and a clone appeared, then turning into a chalk board and chalk. He picked up the white chalk and drew a very messed up - but reconizable - penis with two round circles at the top which probably were supposed to be balls. "This," He said very matter-of-factly. "Is a penis. Any questions?"

"Um.." He blinked, looking like a student that had no clue what the teacher was talking about because he hadn't payed any attention. Then suddenly he looked like he realized something. "Oh.. I know.. it's that thing that Kankuro touches at night, right?"

((ooc: Lmao.. omg..))

ooc: BAD IMAGES! BAD IMAGES! GAAAAH! *foams at the mouth and dies*

Naruto nodded. "Correct. All guys have them." He turned around and drew a little stick figure with spikey hair and a heart on the right side of its head underneath the penis. "That's you, whenever I draw that, it means I'm talking about all of boy kind, alright?" He didn't wait for a response. "Now, girls don't have dicks, they have vaginas." He turned around and paused for a few seconds because, in truth, he himself had only seen boobs in the porno mags. All he knew was there was a hole of some sort so he drew a circle then turned back to Gaara. "That, my friend, is a vagina."

((ooc: My bad o_O))

He tilted his head slightly, a bit confused. "Why don't girl's have a penis too? What's the point in making them different?"

"Shh!" Naruto made a motion over his lips like he was zipping them up. "I'll get to that." He turned around and drew a stick figure with four pony tails. "That's your sister, ok? Every time I draw her, I'm talking about all of girl kind.

Then he shook his head and crossed his arms. "Now, I will explain what to do with them and after, why two of the same can't go together." He drew a penis with a circle around the middle. "That's what sex looks like. The dudes stick themselves into the girls." He drew little dots in the center of the penis, coming from the tip, and then past the hole. "They do that cuz they have little buggers in them that pop outta your pee-hole during sex. Those little bugs go up the vagina to the girls belly and grow into a baby. Ok, are you understanding me so far?"

His right eye twitched, and he stared without a word. It was obvious that he was completely lost. "Um.. what?"

Naruto sighed. "Guh, alright, just look at it like this: Your dick is like a hose that's filled with lots of water. And when that hose gets 'turned on' all the water comes out. But you only turn your hose on when you're having sex... And jacking off, but I don't expect you to get that far, so don't think too much about it. Now, inside the vagina is a seed, a baby seed. And with the water from your hose, you grow a baby inside the girl. That's pregnancey, I'm sure you know about pregnancey, right? Do you get it now?" He was really hoping Gaara would understand, if not he'd have to give him some homework on 'turning on' the hose.

His mouth was open slightly, and his head slowly tilted more to the side. He stared at Naruto, blinking a few times. "So.. let me get this straight.. the hose gets turned on to water the seed that grows into a baby? So wait.. whoa.. did we all grow from the ground like trees??"

Naruto stepped forward and lightly smacked Gaara over the head. "Were you even listening? I told you, the seed is INSIDE the lady, not in the ground!" He crossed his arms and looked down at his little pupil. "And yes, we did grow from them. Now, since you some what understand that, let me continue."

He turned around and drew a circle around the top of the first penis. "Ok, when our hoses feel good, they get turned on. So that means every time we wanna make a baby, we gotta make them feel good. So that's another part of sex. The vagina's really squishy so that feels good so we get turned on, release our water, yadda yadda yadda." He pointed to his picture. "And the most feel-good part of us is the tip, right there!" He slammed the chalk board with his finger to make sure Gaara's attention was there. "Ok, that's basically it for babies, but do you know why else we have sex?"

He blinked, both when Naruto smacked him on the head and got away with it, and also when he slammed the chalkboard with his hand. He had never been so cunfused in his life. "Uh.. to.. water.. plants..?"

"YES! TO WATER THE SEEDS INSIDE THE GIRL TO GROW A BABY IN HER BELLY, ARE YOU LISTENING OR NOT?!" By this time he was very upset since he had to explain it so many times. "Look at it this way, alright? Your dad stuck his dick in your mom. He got horny and released all his water which went to the little seed inside your mom. Then, for nine months that bit of water helped the seed to grow and grow and grow until you popped out! Got it?"

"..." He blinked, staring at Naruto wide eyed, even more than before. "Oh.. okay.. then.."

"Alright." Naruto exhaled, smiling again. "Now, we also have sex cuz it feels good. This is what happens," He drew the little boy and girl stickfigure from before inside a heart. "A boy and a girl fall in love. That means they really like eachother a lot and have lots of good times together. I know for a fact you know what kissing is, as well as hugs, holding hands, its all stuff they do together."

He then drew two circles on the board, with a smaller circle inside each and then an even smaller circle inside those. "These," He tapped the board with the chalk. "Are boobs. All girls have them, although some are bigger then others. Either way, you like these, alright?"

"I only know of those because of Shukaku... and.. nevermind." He continued to stare at Naruto and the chalk board. "But why are you telling me that I like those things, anyway? What's so special about them? Why should it be a known fact that I like whatever they are?"

Naruto stood up straiter and glared down at Gaara, trying to perfect the 'strict teacher' act. "Because, younge sir, you are male therefore you like em, alright? What kind you like are up to you, but you have to like some kind."

"Well I don't." He glared back, not enjoying being told what he liked or disliked. "I don't need to like them. They aren't interesting at all, other then the fact that they seem remotely pointless."

"Well then..." Naruto pulled out a red sharpie and walked up to Gaara, kneeling down. He was now at Gaara's level and squinted at him before drawing 'FAIL' on his forehead. "And just for good measure..." On Gaara's cheek he drew what could only be described as a penis with a cowboy hat. "There! It's what you get for defying the teacher." And he stood up and walked back to the board, tapping it with his chalk. "Now, do you or do you not want to learn why guys and guys and girls and girls can't have sex?"

He touched his face, staring at Naruto blankly. He dug his nails into his cheek, ripping off his skin. And, if he hadn't had sand armor on, that wouldn't have been fun. He did the same to his forehead, and new sand began to cover the missing parts. "It doesn't seem as if I have a choice."

Naruto shrugged and stared at him, feeling haughty. "Hey, don't say I'm forcing you to do anything, besides liking boobs. You're the one who wanted to be taught all this stuff and you're the one who asked about this first, remember? I'm bein' a good buddy and teaching you the ways of the world. Now, let's sound a little more exited, shall we?"

"Maybe I don't like them. I shouldn't have to." He kept his blank expression on his face. "But I don't think it's really that important."