Naruto's too sexy for his shirt

Naruto wandered the dusty streets, amazed by anything and everything around him. He thought that in such a hot place a lot of people would have their shirts off (he wouldn't of minded it if some of the girls went shirtless) but everyone had bulked up and glanced at him with weary looks as he past by. He had already poked the turban off a man leaning against a tree, met many people with sideways Pokeballs on their shirts, and had a bath in a small fountain. Now he was just walking around aimlessly, dried up and bored.

Gaara walked with his arms crossed through the streets. He was on his way to the mansion when he noticed Naruto and stopped, watching as he walked around aimlessly. He was about to go over and ask what he was doing, but then noticed the boy didn't have a shirt on. Which, kept him merely staring in the spot he was. He wasn't exactly sure why, but it did.

Naruto wobbled looking at all sides, not wanting to miss anything. He picked up a stick and poked a dead bird and when he looked up he saw somewhat of a figure of someone. He cupped his hand over his eyes and squinted. Realizing it was Gaara he dropped his stick and raced over, almost tackling him in a hug and not letting go. "GAARA! I thought I might find you here if I looked around enough. Can you believe it? My first trip to the sand village EVER and everyone acts like they all got a stick up their ass. Let me tell you something, living here looks mighty boring, believe it!"

"Nhh.." He blinked, a bit shocked, and looked around. "Mm.. today is busy in Sunagakure.. besides, this village and Konoha aren't exactly the best of allies. Mere acquaintances.. so, the villagers aren't excited to see a Leaf ninja."

He let go of Gaara and flexed in different positions. "Not even a leaf ninja who looks THIS dazzling? And besides," He pulled the empty water bottle out, thinking there might be some left. "Maybe we'd be better allies if you guys treated us nicer when we came to visit." Finding no more water had magically poofed in, he put the water back in his butt pouch.

He watched Naruto with his empty water bottle, then turned his head to a nearby shop, holding his arm out and manipulating sand to go into it. The sand came back out with a full bottle of water, and the shop keeper ran out in a fit of anger. Once noticing it was Gaara, he quickly ran back in. "Stupid fool.. no one else uses sand in this village.. anyway, here,"

The bottle dropped from his sand and into his hand, and Gaara held it out to Naruto. "You might think I would know all the reasons why our villages aren't better allies, since my goof of a father is Kazekage, but I don't. All I know, is that so long as hes Kazekage, our villages won't be the best of allies."

Naruto took the water with thanks and chugged half of it. When the bottle parted his lips he wiped them with his wrist and smiled accordingly. "Oh yeah, your dad's Kazekage? That's so cool! Does that mean you live in the Kage house-place? Do you help your dad do all of his Kage work and decisions and stuff?" A Kage is a Kage and to Naruto, the Kage's were cooler the free ramen.

"Mm.." He looked over Naruto's head, to the Kazekage mansion. "Yes, I live in the mansion. It's almost like a prison, though, so I don't spend much time there.. and my father doesn't talk to me, so I don't see a reason why I would ever help the imbecile with his work.. though, I believe Temari does.. and Kankuro, but Kankuro is more accepting of our fathers decisions than Temari."

He shook his head, looking back to Naruto after realizing he'd been talking a lot. He didn't understand why he talked so much with the blond-haired orange-wearing leaf genin.

Naruto remembered Gaara's brother and thought that if he supported the Kazekage's decisions, they must not be very good. So he clasped his hands behind his head and stuck his tongue out. "Man, your dad sounds like a real bore. I'm glad that new Kage's like me will be coming in soon enough to make things a lot less freaky around here." He grinned and glanced at a man who looked like he had a mattress wrapped around him walking by.

"Hm, I suppose so." He also glanced at the man with the mattress clothing. "People wouldn't be over heating their bodies due to heavy clothing, but they would be blinding others with bright neon colours."

He laughed and decided to skip a circle around Gaara. "Hey, if you don't like it, wear sunglasses." Then he stopped behind him and poked his gourd. "But I rather be blind then have a broken back, Mr. Sandman." And then he found himself singing to 'mr. sandman'.

"Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream bum bum bum bum
Make him the cutest that I've ever seen bum bum bum bum
Give him two lips like roses and clover bum bum bum bum
Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over"

And he went on like this before slapping himself and giggling. Either the heat was affecting him or someone put something in the water.

"What...?" He watched Naruto, giving a confused expression. "What are you doing? Is that some sort of poem? And I'm not going to have a broken back, Mr. DJ Lance."

He could have started singing the Yo Gabba Gabba song, but everyone in the world decided it was way too freakish, so censoring took place and Gaara merely stood there giving a blank stare after his strange comment.

ooc: OMG! DJ LANCE IS MY BOYFRIEND!

"DJ Lance?" Naruto's eye twitched and then he started jumping up and down. "I LOVE THAT DUDE! HIS HAT IS SO ORANGE AND POOFY AND HE'LL NEVER GET A DATE OUTSIDE OF THE SHOW! ...unless its with that pink thing... Oh shit!" He slapped his hand over his mouth. "I made too much of a reference of something outside of Naruto, I'm so scre-"

Just then the Naruto episode got blocked with a picture of a monkey pulling out a plug and it saying 'we are experiencing some technical difficulties' as Naruto got beaten upby a bunch of the show producers. By the magic of TV, when they were done he was completely fine besides his sudden trauma.

He scratched the back of his head. "Heheh, not gonna make that mistake again. Anyways, I feel woozy, nauseous, sore footed, allergenic, claustrophobic, and slightly constipated... But only slightly."

((ooc: Lmao I see how it is. I'll be over there with... um... Yeah, I'll be over there with Zero ))

"Um.. I think I'd rather pretend that never happened." He looked around, trying to forget what had just happened, silently cursing Naruto for his sudden mess up. The producers would kill him if he also messed it up. Actually, he wasn't too sure what was going on. They would most likely believe that they got high and forget that there were even any producers.

"Is that the effect that Sunagakure has on people..?"

Naruto sorta started shimmying on the spot with no explanation of why. "Well, do you feel constipated? Maybe Suna doesn't feed its children enough fiber. You need more fiber in your diet, mister. Makes the poop come out fast and slippery. Of course, if you have too much, it makes you get the runs." He shivered. "That's the worst kinda poop you can get."

Gaara gave Naruto the weirdest face. "Why are we talking about this..?"

Naruto suddenly tried to slap Gaara but, of course, the sand blocked it so he just sorta froze there with his palm up to the sand, carefully rubbing it. "Hey, you were the one who wanted to know about how Sunagakure makes you need ta go poop. I was just giving you helpful references. Now you can go search up 'diarrhea' on Google and see all the delicious pictures."

"No, I merely asked if Suna really did that to people.." His weird face only got even more weird. "What the fucks a Google? And why the hell would I want to see pictures of diarrhea?"

"Cuz diarrhea's hot, that's why. Speaking of hot," He bent down and grabbed a handful of sand and stuffed it into his mouth, obviously not fully aware of what he was doing. "Where are all the teenage girls in this place, all I've seen are old lady's. What is it, bingo day down at the knitting salon?" He chewed slowly on the sand in his mouth.

He stared at him in wonder, then crossed his arms if they weren't already crossed. "Doing that is going to ruin your teeth, and most of the teenage girls are mistaken for old ladies since they all wear extremely heavy clothing. Though, I believe my sister is the only Sunagakure female I know that wears a mini skirt.."

Naruto's head exploded. (ooc: LOL no it didn't, no it didn't) He just had a miniskirt spaz in his head and spit out all of the sand. "REEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAALLY? Ttthhhhhhpt!" He coughed out more of the little grains and then gawked at Gaara. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?! Where the hell is this sister of yours, my eyes are tired of malnourished-hottness."

((ooc: Of course it did, what are you talking about? XD))

"I'm not sure.. why?" He gave a questioning look. "..?"

"BECAUSE-" He shouted at Gaara's face, his pupils tiny fast moving ping pong balls. "Mini skirts are tiny heavens on earth! You just never know how many inches up it is until-" He slapped himself and then poked his two index fingers together, blushing slightly. "Un-until stuff.. Y'know... stuff..."

He stared at him. "Excuse me?"

He glared, turning his head. "Not my sister, I'm sorry. That's disgusting. I don't know where she is, sorry."


((ooc: O_o.. I think hes offended lmao))

ooc: touchy, touchy, Gaara jeez, take the stick outta your ass.

Naruto swung his arm around Gaara's shoulder and started hobbling around in a circle. "C'mon, don't be like that, Gar-Gar. What, is she ugly or something?" Then he changed their circular walking pattern to walking drunk-like down the street, with his arm still around Gaara. "But you need to have some fun to," He poked the red heads cheek and grinned at him. "Let's go to a strip club, Gaararararararara, I heard they're tons of fun."